Day One:

At first you don't even notice it, you don't see that small things are suddenly somehow different, shifted, you don't notice any of it until you become slightly haunted by the feeling that something is wrong, that there is definitely something going on that does not feel right. It doesn't feel major at first, but more casual and almost random. After he had just let him go out without anything to help him- no money, no place to stay and nothing of what used to be his- he had slowly started to get his life together again. He went back to live with his mom and got a shit job in a hotel for a nothing salary, and after four years he at least he had money to start taking some classes. It was, at first, as if things just went wrong almost all the time- his school email was constantly crashing and being erased, his computer was constantly having issues with codes going haywire, turning off and on as though controlled by a light switch. His mothers working situation became worse and worse because it seemed like no matter what she did, an important order was missing or her mails had problems or bills were being either overcharged or not charges at all. "We are just unlucky," he thought.



Day Two:

Some days he thinks about him, he remember his loving eyes, his smile, the body that he had infected with lies, he remembered how they used to laugh while and making drawings, together pretending the were Alarma Boyfriends....He remembered how much love he felt from him and how he used to tell him that he would do anything for him as long as he promised not to lie. "I will do anything for you," he said. I will do anything for you.... He remembers how he would kiss him slowly and say how beautiful he was, that he would tell him how much he needed him, he remembers asking if they could have a home together, get each others' names tattooed on their underarms and get a second dog. He remembers laying close to him in bed feeling how much he loved him. He thought it was amazing, they were so much alike. but all he did was lie to him. He was, of course, lying about his HIV status too, lying and saying they were in the clean when the whole time, he was infected. Lying when he said that he tested negative when he never tested at all. He remember his hands close to his body, how it felt as though his love has no end, and it was true, it was endless... or would have been anyway. He remembered the feeling he had, that he felt he would have given him anything, taken him anywhere, done anything to make him happy, that he the whole future felt open, like forever itself. He still remember show awkward it started to feel when he realised that he actually was not lying, that what he said was the truth.... Even after all that love, all those invested emotions and all the time and care he showed him, he just could not tell the truth. Even if he had lied his whole life, his love, for once, did not feel like a lie, it felt real and almost tangeable, but still he ended up being betrayed by him, made into the same used up, lying, infected whore as himself, simply because he could not care less. He had just assumed that the other would always be there, that this infected life would be something they would fight together, that he would remain even after all the love was depleted, after all his care, all his resources, and his whole life were ground away into oblivion.

Some days he misses him so much that he thinks he might go crazy; he actually, for what is possibly the first time, regrets that he neglected to even attempt to really communicate, There is only the memory of the way that he hardly could even bother responding by text message because he just thought he would be there, only now he never is, and he sees that what he is really missing is the feeling of using someone up, taking everything, burning the house down forever. He feels empty, depressed, lonely even when he is with his boyfriend, there is a feeling of perpetual lonliness even around other people He dreams sometimes, he dreams that they are together again, smiling at each other by the pool, making murder drawings and laughing. "There's no one better than you, he says out loud, only no one's there this time. .Not a single person.



day nine:

Did you know that you can hack somebody by satellite? You don't even need to be in the same country. Hackers are idiots, and what you really need is access to certain groups of people who have a greater knowledge and better connections than even the FBI. At this point in history, it is possible to succeed in tasks that once seemed not only impossible, but totally unthinkable. It is possible to gather informaiton and gain access to confidential or private information in a way that more resembles a sadistic playground were the fun is never-ending. The most common trait identifiable within this specific group is that they consider hacking an absolute and valid art form, an art form that more closely resembles painting than web activity. Panoptic technological terrorism is characterized by a complete lack of any empathy with the victim, who is chosen either at random or through an underground commercial network. These artists will make sure that you will never complete your education, that you will never get a job, never be able to keep anything on the web or on your computers or electronic devices. In the end, they will even enter private homes to reconfigure electric wires, they will install devices that allow for remote temperature control of your home, devices that can turn off lights and turn on stereos.... The intent, of course, is to very slowly and meticulously make your life a 24 hour never ending nightmare; a nightmare that proliferates, spreads, contaminates the lives of your family, your lovers, your friends, even remote acquaintances. They will make sure that you don't kill yourself by constantly and almost seamlessly letting you know that when you go, the rest will follow. Papers will disappear, things will be moved at random by electromagnetic charges in the atmosphere, the air in your house will be polluted, the bed will suddenly be made up when you have not cleaned your room in months. After a while, you won't have a room, your bank cards will suddenly start spending 200.000$ on invisible products, your student grants will suddenly be taken away because it will be "uncovered" that you have been posting child pornography on the school computer. You will see and hear things made by noise devices that are operated by remote controls, and it will never stop. They usually have one goal: to make your very existence unbearable. To them, the idea of violation is the highest art form, and since they see painting as being so close to their own destructive devices, artists are often more heroes for these kind of groups more than any stupid hacker would be.

The idea that art functions as a sublimated criminal act more than as an exercise of creation serves a very specific purpose here" to either get their victims to surrender information, or to force the victim to become the perpetrator. Suicide is not enough here; sometimes they do assignments for people who simply want revenge or to know information they are holding back.it is also nearly impossible to locate these technological terrorists or to even track them down since the idea of a connection between hacking and painting is so remote as to remain unbelievable to computer scientists. This is a group who believes in the concept of a change for the worse. One element that is a common denominator for this kind of group is their almost inconceivable patience: it can take years before they actually start to reconfigure their victims life into a complete hell. As with all affective psychological torture, it is when you finally believe that you are safe that you will understand that its been going on for years. This kind of internet based Hateforce is publicly denounced by computer engineers and hackers in general, but cases that show evidence of this type of activity have been discovered and documented in several European countries, such as Belgium, The Netherlands, Germany and, for some weird reason, Italy. Feigned stupidity or ignorance is the most common way that these groups gain access to your devices. Personally he "doesn't believe in the existence of an online terror troup like that". They hate hackers, because even a nine year old can hack a computer. They see themselves more like painters, a painting observing every move you make instead of you observing the painting. a painting complete with its own death squad just hanging in your living room and ready to preform.as A painting as a serial killer without his prison uniform